Pee-pocalypse (Or how I learned to love the Naturepedic Mattress Protector Pad)
Disclosure – while Naturepedic is a client of ours we purchased all of their products that we use on our bed.
Much like Superman, I have a fortress of solitude. It’s called my bed. Just like a fish needs water, I need my personal space in bed. Early in our courtship, Leah informed me that she wasn’t a “snuggler”. That was the exact moment that I knew she was a keeper. I remember when we purchased our first bed together we both agreed on one thing: it had to be the size of Texas. Looking at king-sized beds we simultaneously asked the salesperson “Do you have anything bigger?” Keep that in mind as I tell you this story.
Oh, did I mention that I’m also a light sleeper and that it takes me a while to actually fall asleep? Yeah . . .
A few nights ago I was slowly drifting off to sleep. The border crossing between Leahland and Markistan had been closed thirty minutes earlier. I was ~almost~ sound asleep when I heard the bedroom door open and two tiny feet scamper across the floor. I wearily opened my eyes and saw my five-year-old son standing next to the bed. He whispers, “Daddy, I had a nightmare. Can I sleep with you guys?” in that sweet irresistible voice that is my kryptonite. I quickly agreed and he climbed into the middle of the bed.
My nightmare started shortly afterwards . . .
It started with the wiggles. No, not the Australian singers. I’m talking about the constant movements that a child who is sound sleep manages to create. I decided that I would pretend that I was on a cruise ship and the jostling would be the waves rocking me to sleep.
Then the kicking started. First I was kicked in legs. Repeatedly. Then he kicked me in the back. Repeatedly. He even managed to kick me in the head once (I still have no idea how he managed that).
Not to be outdone, his arms joined in the act flailing about and landing on my head. Over and over and over and over.
After a good hour of his sleep-ercise he finally stopped (I’m guessing from exhaustion or satisfaction – I swear he was smiling the whole time). I finally started to drift off to sleep when the inevitable happened – I had to go to the bathroom. As I sat up in the bed I placed my hand at my side and felt something . . . wet. I sat there in a sleepy haze when I suddenly realized what had happened . . .
“PEEEEEEEEEE!” I yelled as I jumped out of bed and flipped on the lights. Leah woke up (yes, she had been spared the wrath of the slumbering five-year-old and slept through the whole thing up to this point) and we both stared at the biggest puddle of pee that either of us had ever seen. Floating in the middle of Lake Lotsapeepee was our son, sound asleep (and still smiling). As Leah fished him out and changed his PJs I frantically grabbed every towel I could find. I briefly contemplated getting the shop vac – there was that much pee – but didn’t want to wake the baby. After soaking up as much as I could I resigned myself to my fate, put down several dry towels on the bed and finally fell asleep.
The next day, my thoughts turned to my beloved mattress and the aftermath of peepocalypse. I hesitantly pulled the sheets and mattress pad off and was surprised to find a completely dry and stain-free mattress underneath. The Naturepedic Mattress Protector Pad had done its job brilliantly. My fortress of solitude had been saved from the wrath of a five-year-old. Thank you, Naturepedic!